From Love to Hatred

Saya menangis lagi...
Ini malam keempat saya memimpikannya
Dan untuk kesekian kalinya saya memohon kembali

Namun dia tetap dingin dan tidak mau kembali

Mungkin orang-orang berpikir bahwa saya adalah wanita yang bodoh
Hati saya disakiti tapi saya tetap ingin kembali
Cinta saya tidak dapat dilogika

Saya tetap mencintai dia dengan segenap hati saya
Saya sadar bahwa saya bukan wanita yang diinginkannya
Tapi bodohnya, saya merasa ingin terus menantinya

Agar dia tahu
Saya mencintai dirinya apa adanya
Saya mencintai dia dan kesederhanaannya
Saya mencintai dia dan keterbatasannya
Saya mencintai dia dan kesabarannya
Saya mencintai dia dan pengertiannya

Saya benci karena kamu pernah mencintai saya
Saya benci karena kamu pernah menyayangi saya
Saya benci karena kamu pernah begitu berarti dalam hidup saya
Saya benci pada kenyataan bahwa kamu adalah separuh nyawa saya

Saya benci karena kamu pernah memeluk saya
Saya benci karena kamu pernah mencium bibir saya
Saya benci karena kamu pernah menyentuh saya
Saya benci karena kamu membuat saya percaya bahwa kamulah yang terakhir

Saya benci karena kamu tidak menemui saya
Saya benci karena kamu tidak menelepon saya
Saya benci karena kamu memutuskan saya saat saya mau ujian
Saya benci karena kamu punya alasan yang saya tidak paham

Saya benci karena saya ingin mendengar suaramu
Saya benci karena saya ingin menatap matamu
Saya benci karena kita jauh
Saya benci karena kita berbeda prinsip

Saya benci karena kamu membuat mata saya bengkak setiap pagi
Saya benci karena kamu bukan prince charming seperti yang saya kira
Saya benci kenapa kita berpisah padahal ibu tidak melarang kita
Saya benci kenapa kamu tidak bilang kalau kamu tidak suka pacar yang melarangmu merokok

Saya benci karena kamu adalah orang kesekian yang menghancurkan saya
Saya benci kamu karena saya ingin membencimu
Saya benci kamu karena saya ingin melupakan kamu
Saya benci kamu karena saya ingin membuang kamu dari kenangan saya

Saya benci karena saya masih menyimpan sms-sms mu setahun yang lalu
Saya benci karena saya masih menyimpan fotomu
Saya benci karena saya masih menyimpan puisi-puisimu
Saya benci karena saya masih menyimpan lagu-lagumu

Saya benci karena saya masih mencintaimu
Saya benci karena saya sangat merindukanmu
Saya benci karena saya masih menginginimu
Saya benci karena saya tidak bisa melupakanmu…

It was like the doom
I step into a gloom

Our hearts torn apart
And you wouldn’t repair my bleeding heart

We used to have love and affection
So why we carried them to a destruction

We are having different principles
I know it wasn’t that simple
But that belongs to every couple

You said, we are having different visions
What kind of visions now become my question

All friends help me to stand up
But the thought of you hold up

At night I sleep with your picture in my hug
I wish that someday there’ll be luck

The love we had was so gorgeous
I couldn’t trust that it was lost

Ash said it was alright to be alone
They don’t feel this ache soak into the bone

Fixing my life I try
But the only I can do is cry

I’m still struggling for my love
For I’ll only pretend to be tough




::kiki tsalatsita::

Get up from my bed
Open the door
Walk outside
And breathe the morning air

I sit
I remember you
I remember us
I think about you
I think about us

And I remember all hopes I had
‘Cause I used to believe I was your ever after love

Daydreaming is all I do
‘Cause I still want to be everything in your life

I remember one sweet poet I read when I still had you
And I wish every word to be come true

I want to be the one that says you are my husband
I want to be the one that loves you all my life
I want to be the one that gives you morning kiss
I want to be the one you’ll always miss
I want to be the one to treat you right
I want to be the one to tuck you in at night
I want to be the one you say I love you too
I want to be the one whom your love grew
I want to be the one your family desires
I want to be the one your little sister admires

For now I’m still hoping that we can reunite
All visions
All principles
Though what we had were so different
We used to love each other
We used to share affection
Why can’t we work them out?
Believe me, we can make it…




::kiki tsalatsita::

I'm missing you so much
I think about you all the time
Wish to dream of you every night

Talk as if you were beside me
Smile as if I smiled at you
Cry as if I lost you
and I guess I'm getting insane dealing with situation like this

I really need you

I can't imagine what my next 5 years (even more ) would gonna be if I only have chance to see you once a year?
But I completely realize
That you or me can't do anything much to solve this matter

I am hoping
You are hoping
We are hoping

I am wishing
You are wishing
We are wishing

Well I'm about to lose my sanity
No doubt about it

How I really love you causing how I really miss you
How I really miss you causing how suffer I am

I love you..
Would probably be the most sincere closure
Wish I could really kiss you




::kiki tsalatsita::

This morning, I smelt your scent
The scent was very strong that made me believe you were near
And you were hiding behind for surprising me

I waited for hands to cover my eyes
And waited for whisper ‘guess who’ in my ear

I waited
30 seconds…
1 minute…
1.5 minute…
2 minutes…

But the hands never come
And I never heard the whisper

Suddenly I cried
I realized you weren’t there
You were nowhere

May be I was hallucinating that made me smelt the scent
May be I was hoping your coming too much
May be you would never give me such surprise on my birthday

May be I’m more in love with you cause I’m in deeply misery
Cause it reminds me of every kiss and hug and laughter you gave
May be I hate you for the first time cause I’m drowning in vicious misery
Cause I’m hurt!
I’m spoiled!
I’m screwed up!
I’m crumbly!
I’m sick of you!
I’m sick of missing you!

Daydreaming…
Imagining…
Wishing…
Hoping…
Hoping…
Hoping…

For god sake!
When will it end?!




::kiki tsalatsita::

...
Absolutely have no idea what to tell and what to write
All I desire is talking about you
How I really love you causing how I really miss you

The most sensible reason to answer the question “why I want to talk about YOU instead of ME?” is because

I CAN’T touch your face by my hand or
stare at your smile by my eyes

I CAN’T kiss you by my lips or
embrace you by my arms

The only thing I can possibly do is talk about you
But talking about you won’t cover enough
the longing for your flattering my skin

Looking at pictures of Hayden Christensen would probably please me
Just as the same as looking at pictures of you
Knowing neither his nor your presence is predictable
Adding with not any contact you make for me
Or more powerless,
Not knowing how to make contact with you,
Causing the suffer would be more painful

We’re such strangers separated in two lives
And eventually,
We’re probably not recognizing each other

Tahukah kamu, bahwa setiap aku melihat fotomu di masa kecil
Aku selalu tersenyum melihat kecantikan yang hingga kini belum hilang

Tahukah kamu, bahwa ketika kau menyandarkan kepalamu di pundakku
Aku dapat merasakan ketenangan, yang aku cari berhari-hari di rumahku

Tahukah kamu, bahwa setiap aku mengatakan aku sayang kamu
Aku merasa malu...
Aku malu karena sikapku belum sepenuhnya begitu
Banyak janjiku yang belum kupenuhi
Dan kau masih harus menunggu...




taufan

Apakah suatu kesalahan bagiku karena mencintaimu?
Karena rasanya aku tak pernah membuatmu bahagia
Meskipun aku tak pernah ingin menyerah
Karena kupikir mungkin besok aku dapat melakukannya
Dan karena aku mencintaimu, lebih lama dari hari ini

Dapatkah kupercayakan semuanya
Kepada dirimu...
Bila iya, jawablah mengapa?!
Mesipun pertanyaan ini rasanya tidak adil
Untukmu...
Karena bukan dirimu yang membuatku bertanya-tanya

Saat ini teruntukmulah cintaku
Tapi mampukah kau mengerti cinta ini, dan diriku
Untuk berapa lama?
Akankah sampai kita di surga...

Maukah engkau, mengatakan ke seluruh dunia?
Bahwa kau sayang diriku...
Malukah ngkau, ketika bersama diriku...?

Tak perlu kau jawab,
Aku hanya ingin kau tahu...
Pertanyaan dari hatiku...!



taufan

Tersenyumlah agar kutahu bahwa kau memang senang,
Jangan berbohong,
Jangan tersenyum bila memang tak mau

Senyummu mampu menipuku
Menangislah agar kutahu kesedihanmu
Agar kurasakan pedihnya, dan berusaha menghilangkannya
Meski rasanya aku pun tak bisa berbuat banyak,
Namun semoga yang sedikit dapat berbuat lebih banyak

Ceritakan ceritamu tentang diriku
Yang aku tak pernah dengar
Ceritakan harapan-harapanmu yang kau buat untukku
Ceritakan kekesalanmu yang kau dapat dariku
Aku ingin mendengarnya, aku ingin tahu, aku ingin berubah
Meskipun lama, meskipun sendu, meskipun susah

Saat ini aku tahu, aku bukan yang terbaik untukmu
Maukan kau menunggu agar aku bisa menjadi seperti itu
Aku tak akan berhenti memberikan seluruh rinduku
Selama yang aku mampu, dan selama yang engkau mau

Aku tak minta lebih selain dari apa yang dapat kau berikan
Pelukan yang kau berikan tak pernah menyentuh ragaku
Melainkan hatiku
Ciuman yang kau berikan tak pernah menyentuh bibirku
Melainkan luka-lukaku
Sungguh, aku tak minta lebih selain dari apa yang ingin kau berikan

Aku adalah manusia,
Tak lebih benar dari siapapun
Tak lebih salah dari siapapun
Tak lebihhebat dari siapapun
Sekarang kau cintai, mungkin nanti kau benci...

taufan

Maafku Berkata
Maafkan diriku, yang hanya mampu berkata kangen di saat kangen
Yang mungkin kau tak pernah mendengarnya. Karena tak tersampaikan
Bila pun iya, itu tak pernah lama

Maafkan diriku, yang berjanji untuk berhenti merokok...
Namun belum terlaksana, Insya Allah Ramadhan nanti kucoba lagi!

Maafkan diriku, yang hanya mampu membawamu sejauh wartel di depan sekolah
Mungkin kau pikir aku gila,
Tapi aku berharap dapat membawamu kemanapun di bumi ini
Meskipun merealisasikannya sesusah luasnya langit

Maafkan diriku, bila masih ada hasrat untuk memelukmu

Maafkan diriku, di waktu kau sakit aku tak bisa menemanimu
Setiap hari, setiap pergantian infus, setiap kau merasa kepalamu sakit
Aku hanya bisa menangis...
Marah, pada ketidaksanggupanku
Benci, pada keterbatasanku

Maafkan diriku yang manja dan lemah
Karena hanya kepada dirimu aku bisa melakukannya

Sungguh, aku tak pernah menginginkan dirimu terluka
Terlebih olehku...
Namun untuk hal ini pun aku tak bisa berjanji
Hanya berusaha saja...




taufan

Kita bertemu di saat yang tak pernah kuduga
Dia temukan aku, sedang terluka
Terluka oleh orang yang telah begitu lama kupercaya
Sehingga aku tak percaya bila ternyata
Perasaan yang ada, membawaku kepadanya

Di saat kukira aku sedang kalah,
Kutemukan kemenangan di senyumannya
Dimana kupikir aku akan jatuh
Tawanya mengangkatku naik
Kesedihannya membuatku pilu
Seakan hatinya adalah hatiku

Hanya sebentar saja untuknya
Untuk membuatku sadar
Bahwa dia indah
Keindahan di saat yang begitu tepat
Keindahan yang dicari indera-inderaku

Begitu indah keajaiban yang dia berikan
Sampai aku tak percaya
Bahwa wanita yang dulunya hanya kukagumi
Kini telah kusayangi dan telah berada di hatiku


taufan

Dia yang terlalu mandiri, untuk kubawakan tasnya
Dia yang tak ingin merepotkan diriku untuk selalu menemaninya
Dia yang mencoba mengerti keadaan diriku
Dia yang selalu menginginkanku untuk istirahat
Dia yang tak pernah berhenti menyuruhku berhenti merokok
Dia yang biasanya membalasku dengan “too”
Dia yang memanggil diriku dengan sebutan “kakak”
Dia yang membuat angkot di Depok menjadi indah
Dia yang membuat diriku khawatir ketika dia jatuh sakit
Dia yang tak pernah berhenti kukagumi
Dia yang selalu kudoakan akan hidupnya, akan mimpinya
Dia yang selalu membuatku nyaman dan tenang
Dia yang mampu membuatku menitikkan air mataku lagi
Dia yang ketika lelah menyandarkan kepalanya di bahuku

Untuk dia, yang karena Tuhan dan dirinya
Aku mencintainya...

taufan

Stop smoking honey please…!
You know it’s not right
It damages your health
Eating your lungs
Bothering your respiratory system

What will you harvest at age 40?
Cancer,
heart attack,
or death?

Honey,
How many times I’ve told you
How many solutions I’ve given to you
I even still remember how you promised me to stop
And I have your words

Honey,
I’m desperate
I’m hopeless
I’m acting like it was just fine
But it wasn’t fine at all
And I feel sorry until the bottom of my heart

Honey,
I still want to have you for longer time
So I still can watch you until the end of my time
And I don’t know what to say…

Di antara menyerah dan tidak
Aku hidup...
Aku hidup, untuk berjuang dan mencapai ajal
Semua orang hanya akan lewat saja
Seperti yang sudah-sudah
Hanya sedikit yang berhenti...
Untuk menemaniku dan melihatku berjuang

Melihat kebodohan-kebodohanku sekaligus tawaku
Tanpa melihat tangisku
Karena aku sudah tidak mau menangis

Di antara kesanggupanku dan tidak
Aku berharap...
Entah, berharap mati atau hidup
Sembari membuat kemungkinan
Mungkin esok lebih baik
Mungkin lusa
Mungkin minggu depan
Mungkin bulan depan
Mungkin tahun depan
Mungkin saja, bila malaikat yang itu
Belum datang...

Aku sedang berlari dan ketika aku mulai lelah berlari
Aku akan berjalan dan ketika berjalan pun aku tak sanggup lagi
Aku akan berdiri dan bila kakipun sudah mati rasa
Aku akan duduk dan ketika duduk pun terasa berat
Aku akan berbaring dan ketika berbaring pun aku klelahan
Aku tak akan bangun lagi
Semoga Tuhan mengerti...





taufan

Dear, I miss you tonight
With the beating of my heart wondering
“Where were you now?”
With the tear in my eye shouting
“I needed you!”

I can’t stand surviving with this misery

‘Cause darling,
I want you so bad to hear me saying
“No one needs you more than I need you tonight!”

I was lost and dry with no cure healing this ache
Oh saviour, save me ‘cause I’m dying in and out

Is it me or is it you that leave our palace?
And I feel no palace when we’re not united

‘Cause my Prince,
I can’t rest my had if there is you in my head
Without any taste of seeing you in my eyes

Honey,
Come to me sooner
‘Cause I hate waiting to see that pretty face
I don’t like memorizing your tenderness

Hold my hand and hold my heart
Take me to where you are some other time
So I won’t be bothered like this!

Everywhere I go just thinking of you
When will you return?
When will I tell you all stories I’ve collected a week?

Staring at your pictures
Listening to our songs
Do you think I enjoy them?!

So darling,
I’m waiting you home
Wishing for your tightest hug ever

And I’ll say what Daniel Johns said
“And I miss you love”

I’ll sing what Brandon Boyd sang
“I wish you were here”

Then I remember what Tim Wheeler warned
“Cigarette keeps you skinny”

But,
I’ll beg what he begged
“So take me in your arms again
Lead me in my dreams again”

I just want to kiss you goodnight
‘Cause I miss you tonight
And I wish you by my side

Could you tell me how to be a perfect girl?
A girl who never hurts your heart
A girl who never makes you upset
A girl who always makes you smile and happy all the time

Could you tell me how to be a wonderful girl?
A girl who always colours your days
A girl who shows you how to appreciate your life
Just like one amazing girl named Sara Deever

Could you tell me how to be a reliable girl?
A girl who is always there when you need her
A girl who tells the right when you are wrong
A girl who always backs you up
A girl you can count on anytime, anywhere

Could you tell me how to be an extraordinary girl?
A girl who can help you to find your paradise
A girl who’s your “sunshine through your window”
A girl who always inspires you to try
A girl who shows you how to look out the world with an optimistic light

Could you tell me how to be all of them?
Could you?

May be I am not even one of those girls
‘Cause this is me!
With incapability I’ve had
Not better than anyone
Not even worse than anyone


kiki tsalatsita

God,
I’m not a girl I used to be
I guess something is happening to me
Something that I don’t know
Whether it’s right or wrong

God,
When that man became the part of my life
I had the former lover
Whereas..
The man told me words I’ve been waiting for so long
Whereas..
I had once felt the same way that he does now

God,
I had no lover this time
May be I should take it for granted
‘cos it’s the exact time to break
but my ex swore that it’s unfair
I should’ve given him one more try
But I didn’t
I hurt him..
Since then..
I’m scared of falling in love again
But what if I fell again?

God,
Since I kept on remembering that man
I’ve bothered by this anxiety
The feeling seems remained
The moment we walked side by side
Has given me the strangest feeling ever inside
Between dream and reality

God,
Is it a sin if I break my words
Not to fall in love again?
Is it a sin if I became so reckless
Against my old fear and back to the man?

God,
I get my self fallen
If I took his hand,
I’m afraid of hurting someone again
I’m afraid of being unfaithful
‘cos I had gone through many stories
And they always come to the sad endings

God,
Here I knee
If I really feel the love now
Bless me with a little love
Let the love laid
And let him be my true and real love

You are not an angel from heaven
But you are to me
Angel of my heart, saviour of the soul
Embrace me with care

You are not a princess
But you are to me
Beauty of its kind
Poetry from my dreams

One drop from a saint
Well formed as you

taufan

I can never sleep tight
If my princess was surrounded by misery
And how can I have a sweet dream
If I don’t even sleep

There is something wrong
If tears fall down from her eyes
It’s very wrong

My princess is a beautiful girl
No other girl can compare her beauty
With that soft hollow stare
And that sweeter than wine smile
It’s been an honoured to guard her

A guardian like me
With lungs that almost broken
It’s too dare to achieve her love
All I can do is just wishing
That someday I could be her prince
Even it’s just for a night
May God be with me
And fulfil my wish

As the morning wind touch my face,
I miss the perfume of his body,
That leaves traces of peace
So relaxing...
So consoling...

Though the well runs dry,
The smell of his breath still waters my soul
Though it’s barren inside,
The smell of his words will bloom the flowers

Something holds me tight
Urge me to figure out, what it is about
Why I always feel misery when he’s not around?
Then I imagine the kiss of his fragrance on my eye

The ghost of him follows my dream
Flattering my hair tenderly
Comforting me in his embrace

I bring him in my sleep
When I started to remember
The way he said “I love you”
I feel like I’m on fire
‘Cause it’s still echoing in my ear



kiki tsalatsita

Falling leaf has reached the ground
And leaves the lonely tree
Against the tempered wind

And as the autumn leaf tossed
It would fly the pain

A Romeo is bringing a torch
Lighten nothing but the dark
Shrouded in and out of me

The presence of both,
Has presented peace and warmth
As a pillow that I can lean my head on
And a thick blanket that’s covering my body

I wonder if it could ease the trouble
Worst dream ever at night

Like a fairy swings her magic stick
One simple smile can melt a fear

Hardly to be mentioned
Every miracle he has shown

The picture of his pretty face,
Playing on my head

My life was so delighted
He’s my tender sweet Godsend
A blessing to me

Golden dreams are colouring my nights
No sleepless night through all the days
A Romeo has designed my every dream
And leave a sweet taste of my sleep

And as his face upon my eyes
I’ll get paralysed at once
Blinded me with such deadly look

Dear, when it almost fades
Gone with silver tears

Stars will never be untrue
Sparkling at the night
Give me one more hope

I open wide these eyes
You’re my second dream come true

I couldn’t trust my sight
When I was staring at those words
The flame that’s almost off
It suddenly burns out

Something’s been missing
Now it’s coming back to me
Why should I resist
I’ve been dying to hold on

Loneliness would say goodbye
The empty heart wouldn’t last long
I’ve got something filled the space

Between dreams and fantasies
But I can’t say it real
‘Cause I only dare to dream

Wish I never be awake
From my long and endless sleep

Dear, when I touch that smile
These fingers feel the air you breathe

I would never stop to thank
Everynight is young
Never comes to dawn
Or reach the morning sun

You're my second dream come true I can't deny
You're the second sweet dream that's coming true



kiki tsalatsita

I wouldn’t mind taking your shallow jokes
‘cos I could make them deeper
And we’ll laugh each other

I’m afraid if I told you all stories-songs-complaints-and fancies
They would be endless

I also wish to heal your pain
To be your remedy
Treat you good whenever you’re hurt and sick

I always dream of you sweetly every night
Though you’ve never flattered my hair before I sleep
Just by hearing your gentle voice and your saying “sweet dream”
I straightly fall asleep

I’d like to lean my head on your shoulder
‘cos with your shoulder against my head
I can smell the fragrance of you

For the time being…
I’ll be protected beneath your jacket
But we’ll need a car when we’re not only the two of us
May be two, three, or even more..

How sweet..
To be with you ‘till the twilight age
And watch the children growing older
‘till having grandchildren and grand grandchildren

It’ll be sweeter If we would never quarrel
If there’s a thing I dislike
I’ll tell you with no shouting or emotion

By the way,
How can you meet me in a dream?
If you hardly ever sleep earlier

You couldn’t kiss my lips
If you keep on smoking
I’m afraid that you would get heart attack
When you feel my heartbeat while we’re hugging
Stop smoking then!

And the cologne you used to smell is Bluette
But one day you’ll prefer Oceanus

I wonder the taste of our strawberry shortcake
Would it be as delicious as in that Japanese dorama?
But isn’t it strawberry frost that you eager to bake?

I never know how long it will last
‘cos I always hope it will never end

God bless me a little love to you
It’ll be much bigger, bigger, and bigger one day

If He guide me..
The love will never fade
‘cos even though I know
There are many guys better than you throughout the world
You are my number two *cos the first is my family..*
My brother..
My Romeo..
My dream come true..
My shooting star..
And my Tim Wheeler..

Well..
I think the most sincere is the simplest one

I L0VE Y0U T00

And I never have a doubt to be your love mate..