From Love to Hatred

I Dare Not Say

2009-04-13T17:39:00.003+07:00

Oh, this feeling tortures.
I dare not say I'm still loving that man.
He doesn't remain the same.
Why bother? Find other.
The old flame is no longer ablaze after all.

Let Us Keep Starsailing and Be Outshone

2009-01-29T17:47:00.003+07:00

who’s gonna go along?

no we are not jumping to land on mars,
we are riding our private orion among the stars,
even the sky hasn’t darkened yet it’s still velvet.

hail Jupiter for having immortalized Orpheus’ lyre in the heavens,
that the beauty of its sounds were such Godsend.
indeed, it was a Godsend

did you see the pretty goddamn unicorn playing around?
I was just seeing her sparkling magic horn.
yes, the one that once you thought was a cosmic thorn.

I love being here ..

how much time is left?

no way!
does it really run out?

I don’t want to wake up

let me keep starsailing and be outshone..

From The Utmost Love to The The Utmost Hatred

2008-12-19T11:57:00.005+07:00

Hey dearest,

You know what?
In my whole life, I've never been hurt as much as thrice by the same person

We used to love each other
But then ended tragically for my fault
I proposed for a second try, but I was rejected
For months up to year I was drowned in an utter sorrow

You came approach and then you dump
Damn, you think and act like an alien
Vicious and heartless

What is actually swimming in your mind?
And now you hate me while IT'S ME who should bear the hatred

You came to me when you were wretched
I kept on giving you consolation, and hoping to be a solace
For moments I thought that things were getting better
No more hatred would be born since we started caring each other, what an opportunity

And then you left (again), this time without any notification
TELL ME if I did mistake! was it a hard thing to do for you?
You broke my heart, over and over again, severely
And I wonder what makes you easily and so often break it
Do you think that mine is that strong?

I know,
I didn't deserve to be your lover
And I didn't deserve to ask for an opportunity

But it's just hurting to know that I don't deserve your affection either even only as a friend
It looks as if I could only deserve your hatred, and that's all I could only derive for my devoted affection

Was it something evil lying within me? that you sensed and feared from afar?

If the uttermost love could be born, then why such hatred couldn't..

Pursuing Rainbow

2008-12-15T19:43:00.007+07:00

this girl is never stop being stupid..

that she has just realized if her love will always remain the same with a man whose heart has just gone for the second time,

that she has kept uselessly convincing herself a deceitful suggestion if her love to him has subsided

while
it always stays the same

but no pain arises this time
since the girl is completely powerless
that she can't do anything to fix the circumstance that has never been precise from the beginning of the sorrow
feelings that come and go

she guesses that sweet reminiscences can be the only consolation

though,
I wish you a very delightful moment in your lifetime, girl
where you would be astonished as if you were experiencing Aurora Borealis and feel contentment

yes indeed, love is as hard as chasing rainbow
but as long as the rain still falls and the sun still shines, the rainbow will always be there for one, two, and more opportunities

a chance to pursue your personal happiness
and keep it linger along with your destiny
for the rest of your life..

Stars and Butterflies

2008-12-14T18:58:00.010+07:00

butterflies,

up up to the sky

when the sun persist on a rainy day
butterflies let the grey astray
races against the dragonfly beyond the rainbow

stars,
up above the world so far

when the waltzing moon sheds its light
over the heavens of the universe
stars reveal the melodies of their winks
and butterflies plays with their wings

imagination of whatever wildly seeps through one's mind
how they thrill each other and bewitch people with their such affinity
ain't it a conspicuously awkward scene?

stars and butterflies
a pair of wonders that fascinates the night
and no pounding beat is needed to keep them dancing

::inspired by Dario Marianelli's masterpiece Stars and Butterflies::

Stars And Butterflies - Dario Marianelli

It was never a love

2008-11-29T09:21:00.004+07:00

we nearly perceived it as love
we almost believed it was love
but my mind and body fail me now
and my shining armor rusted

why you keep insisting?
I've found no happiness nor even a comfort
I can't even freely breathe and express

oh.. this is a torment
that I can't bear it any longer

please
release me..

Insidious Joy

2008-05-01T05:16:00.009+07:00

the light goes out
heartbeats are aloud
breathe in breathe out

kisses never ends
satisfaction lands
each lover bends

traces of fingers
excitement tingles
sensation lingers

forever is tonight
precious is tonight
young is tonight

Flinging

2008-04-09T03:02:00.004+07:00

when the sunlight is striking
and the waterbirds are splashing
the troubles were spreading
and gone with the lightning

the world's heart is aching
the nature starts faking
our skin shed we're bleeding
the sorrow keeps singing

the dark night's now dawning
descent traces moaning
crashing joy's been hiding
all happiness is lurking

murmuring sighing
singing rivers flowing
drift away the leaves tumbling
the deity incarnate ascending

all the blue turns to grey
nothing more left to say
nor magical thing astray
remain stoned day by day

Secret Thoughts

2008-03-21T10:29:00.008+07:00

Secret thoughts I could not say aloud
It's hard to find out a thousand words
But every time I see your face around
A wish will creep in, I let it drown

I dreamed of tasting heaven in your charms
I wished I could be cuddled in your arms
Upon the grass we watched the same bright star
Though night ain't up to par

Feeling you in endless tiring days
The hazy maze of lane, I face the grays
You are piece of bless that found my secret thoughts
While I've been sailing with my dreamboat

I draw the night to serve you the morning light
I rent a pair of wings to see the height
A joyful land and blissful world with you
... are built inside my mind

Broken Angel

2007-01-21T09:36:00.005+07:00

I was the angel your heart picked
You grew wings of my own
You helped me learn to fly
And we flew together

You took me to the highest heavens
We traveled over the universe
You bestowed me the miracles I had never felt
You showed me your beauty that melt

You built me dreams
And I saved hopes
All my life I trusted in you
We kept on flying and followed the journey of the sun

At the point I didn't realize how high I was
You broke my wings
You let me fall
You didn't catch me

I am the broken angel
You present my wings to another angel

I am the broken angel
Seeing both of you soar to the place we had ever been

I am the broken angel
Possessing the remains
Broken dreams and broken hopes

I am the broken angel

I am no more angel

Reminiscences and Daydreams

2007-01-11T23:39:00.003+07:00

hey, me!

for how long will you be dissolved in fantasies?
it would never rest you in peace
will you stop reminiscing?

of his cradling you with heavenly vows that he would wake you up every morning with a gentle kiss if he ever married you

of his desiring to have four babies with you,
two little kikis and two little taufans

of his cuddling you in his warm embrace while you were sleeping and his saying that it was the coziest moment he experienced

of his kiss that made both of you become wordless

of his yearning to embrace you almost every time, yearning to breathe in your scent, yearning to see your smile

of his telling you " I love you " for the first time and the next times or sometimes " ya tebya liubliu " that made you nearly always laugh, and " sleep tight sweet dreams " everytime you would go to bed

of his swears that he was bestowed to be loved by you, it is a trust to be your hearthrob and is a duty to look after you because he loved you and he prayed that it would last ever after

they are only reminiscences anyway..

hey, me!

will you stop daydreaming?

that both of you would eventually be reentwined

that he would be the first and the last man who kissed your lips, who traced every inch of your skin, who ever hugged you

that you would be his mrs

that you would prepare breakfast and coffee for him every morning

that you would cook for him and look after your children together with him

that you would gaze the stars while laying down on prairie with him

that he would take you to the place called 'Dreamland' and grasp your hands while fringing along the coast

that he would be the only companion until your hair turns to grey, so that he would be the only one who understands your beauty

daydreamer..

hey, me!
even when you're writing you're reminiscing!

and I said,
because memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose..

I Need You

2007-01-01T17:04:00.001+07:00

Silver rain that falling down
Across your hair and across your face
When I saw you off that day

We take a little ride and walk
Around the corner of the city block
After you saw him at that place

It's really like a miracle
To walk along with you side by side
When I take you to your house

You said this was unexpected thing
And I guess I feel the same way too
Cause it's shivering my hearts

Don't you now I can never hold back
Cause i never want to see you crying

Cause I need you upon my dreams
And I miss you of my life
If tomorrow never comes
All I want is to be with you

:: This song is written by my honey, it's about a thing that happened on a rainy day - beneath the rainy sky
(read my blog canis majoris : Today, 3 Years Ago, posted on december 31st 2006).

And I clearly remember, that day, when we were entering the bus terminal, my honey's face was hit by frying oil sprinkling! Then I wiped off the oil on his face with my bare hand. It was the first time I touched his face.. ::

Starlights

2007-01-01T16:10:00.000+07:00

I have fallen right up to the doors of pain

And when I'm crashing down

Beneath her shadows and illusions

Thanks to God at last I found you here

Sinking deep down in my head

For all the moon and starlights

That have shining down for you

And I wish, I wish that you will be

My starlights at the night

And hold me with your arms

Stand with me, my darling

Take this pain, my darling

Cause you are my lovely starlights

As long as I can be near you to watch your smile

And stand besides your love

I will always be there to hold you eventhough

I couldn't ask for more

To be what I want it to be

:: This is a song written by my honey in december 2003, that was before we declared our relationship.

And the starlights was me =) ::

Orpheus Inside

2006-12-25T19:16:00.003+07:00

Such a sweet godsend as Eurydice
As he brought me the heaven's key

I reached the sky and played the Lyre
And let this beautiful Nymph admire

With the music i used for coaxing
The love drifted along with its chinks

I didn't want to sail
Dropped the Argonauts a hail

Went to discover the Golden Fleece
I'd rather find him in the mist

Seduced the underworld with tones
Lifted him up from Hades and Persephone

Inpatience was what i regret the most
I could not retake the fortune i lost

Sinking down into despair
Since he would no more be there

Torn in the hands of Maenads'
What's remained was only head

My singing head floated down the river
Let me be recalled as a lover

Came to rest on the isle of Lesbos
The star of my harp would be seen to the entire cosmos

Hari ini seharusnya

2006-10-01T05:07:00.001+07:00

Hari ini..
Seharusnya salah satu dari kita mengucapkan 'selamat'

Hari ini..
Seharusnya kita bersyukur karena telah melewati satu bulan yang lain dengan baik-baik saja

Hari ini..
Saya masih menunggu jawabanmu

Agar dia tahu

2006-09-25T05:37:00.000+07:00

Saya menangis lagi...
Ini malam keempat saya memimpikannya
Dan untuk kesekian kalinya saya memohon kembali

Namun dia tetap dingin dan tidak mau kembali

Mungkin orang-orang berpikir bahwa saya adalah wanita yang bodoh
Hati saya disakiti tapi saya tetap ingin kembali
Cinta saya tidak dapat dilogika

Saya tetap mencintai dia dengan segenap hati saya
Saya sadar bahwa saya bukan wanita yang diinginkannya
Tapi bodohnya, saya merasa ingin terus menantinya

Agar dia tahu
Saya mencintai dirinya apa adanya
Saya mencintai dia dan kesederhanaannya
Saya mencintai dia dan keterbatasannya
Saya mencintai dia dan kesabarannya
Saya mencintai dia dan pengertiannya

Wanita itu bukan saya...

2006-09-24T14:21:00.000+07:00

Ini malam ketiga saya bermimpi tentang dia
Tentang harapan-harapan yang saya pernah punya
Tentang hal-hal indah yang pernah mewarnai hidup saya

Saya bangun dengan realita
Harapan-harapan itu tidak akan pernah jadi nyata
Dan hal-hal indah itu tidak pernah bertahan lama

Kenapa dia meyakinkan saya bahwa sayalah wanita yang dia inginkan?
Kenapa dia meyakinkan saya bahwa sayalah wanita yang ingin disandingnya?
Kenapa dia meyakinkan saya jika dia dapat memilih jodohnya maka dia akan memilih saya?

Padahal wanita itu bukan saya

Ingin rasanya saya berteriak di hadapan dia
"Pembohong! Padahal saya selalu percaya bahwa kamu laki-laki yang jujur!"

Ingin rasanya saya menampar dia
Meskipun mungkin sakitnya tidak sebanding dengan sakit hati saya
Meskipun mungkin lukanya tidak akan membekas seperti luka yang saya punya

Tapi saya cuma bisa menelannya dengan air mata
Air mata kekecewaan dan kebencian
Namun separuh hati saya masih tulus mencintai dia

Saya lelah dengan semua ini
Saya lelah dengan kenangannya
Saya lelah dengan air mata saya...

Cukup separuh diri saya yang membenci dia
Karena sesungguhnya lebih indah jika dia dicintai...

Saya rindu kamu...

2006-09-21T16:13:00.000+07:00

Saya rindu memanggilmu kakak
Saya rindu memanggilmu cinta
Saya rindu memanggil diri saya ade dan bukannya saya

Saya rindu bercanda denganmu
Saya rindu memencet hidung kamu
Saya rindu memainkan rambutmu

Saya rindu menggenggam tanganmu
Saya rindu menyandarkan kepala saya di bahumu
Saya rindu memelukmu

Saya rindu mendengar suaramu
Saya rindu melihat tatapanmu
Saya rindu pada cengiranmu

Saya rindu pada wangi parfummu
Saya rindu duduk bersebelahan denganmu di angkot
Saya rindu jalan kaki sampai FT UI asalkan denganmu

Saya rindu dengar kamu bilang i love you
Saya rindu dengar kamu bilang sleep tight sweet dreams sebelum saya tidur
Saya rindu sms kamu

Saya rindu makan es krim ketika kita nonton bioskop
Saya rindu photo box denganmu
Saya rindu melihat kamu main gitar

Saya rindu ngobrol dengan kamu meskipun tak satupun dari kita bersuara
Saya rindu mendengar lagu-lagumu
Saya rindu kamu memeluk saya

Saya rindu bikin blackforest berdua denganmu
Saya rindu makan brownies buatan kamu (yang cuma sekali sampai sekarang)

Saya rindu mendengar keluhanmu waktu dulu
Saya rindu semua-semua tentang kamu
Saya rindu semua-semua yang pernah kita lakukan sama-sama

Saya rindu kamu...

#$!@#%$!

2006-09-21T16:06:00.000+07:00

Saya benci karena kamu pernah mencintai saya
Saya benci karena kamu pernah menyayangi saya
Saya benci karena kamu pernah begitu berarti dalam hidup saya
Saya benci pada kenyataan bahwa kamu adalah separuh nyawa saya

Saya benci karena kamu pernah memeluk saya
Saya benci karena kamu pernah mencium bibir saya
Saya benci karena kamu pernah menyentuh saya
Saya benci karena kamu membuat saya percaya bahwa kamulah yang terakhir

Saya benci karena kamu tidak menemui saya
Saya benci karena kamu tidak menelepon saya
Saya benci karena kamu memutuskan saya saat saya mau ujian
Saya benci karena kamu punya alasan yang saya tidak paham

Saya benci karena saya ingin mendengar suaramu
Saya benci karena saya ingin menatap matamu
Saya benci karena kita jauh
Saya benci karena kita berbeda prinsip

Saya benci karena kamu membuat mata saya bengkak setiap pagi
Saya benci karena kamu bukan prince charming seperti yang saya kira
Saya benci kenapa kita berpisah padahal ibu tidak melarang kita
Saya benci kenapa kamu tidak bilang kalau kamu tidak suka pacar yang melarangmu merokok

Saya benci karena kamu adalah orang kesekian yang menghancurkan saya
Saya benci kamu karena saya ingin membencimu
Saya benci kamu karena saya ingin melupakan kamu
Saya benci kamu karena saya ingin membuang kamu dari kenangan saya

Saya benci karena saya masih menyimpan sms-sms mu setahun yang lalu
Saya benci karena saya masih menyimpan fotomu
Saya benci karena saya masih menyimpan puisi-puisimu
Saya benci karena saya masih menyimpan lagu-lagumu

Saya benci karena saya masih mencintaimu
Saya benci karena saya sangat merindukanmu
Saya benci karena saya masih menginginimu
Saya benci karena saya tidak bisa melupakanmu…

Tough

2006-09-20T12:19:00.000+07:00

It was like the doom
I step into a gloom

Our hearts torn apart
And you wouldn’t repair my bleeding heart

We used to have love and affection
So why we carried them to a destruction

We are having different principles
I know it wasn’t that simple
But that belongs to every couple

You said, we are having different visions
What kind of visions now become my question

All friends help me to stand up
But the thought of you hold up

At night I sleep with your picture in my hug
I wish that someday there’ll be luck

The love we had was so gorgeous
I couldn’t trust that it was lost

Ash said it was alright to be alone
They don’t feel this ache soak into the bone

Fixing my life I try
But the only I can do is cry

I’m still struggling for my love
For I’ll only pretend to be tough

::kiki tsalatsita::

Why Can't We?

2006-09-20T12:11:00.000+07:00

Get up from my bed
Open the door
Walk outside
And breathe the morning air

I sit
I remember you
I remember us
I think about you
I think about us

And I remember all hopes I had
‘Cause I used to believe I was your ever after love

Daydreaming is all I do
‘Cause I still want to be everything in your life

I remember one sweet poet I read when I still had you
And I wish every word to be come true

I want to be the one that says you are my husband
I want to be the one that loves you all my life
I want to be the one that gives you morning kiss
I want to be the one you’ll always miss
I want to be the one to treat you right
I want to be the one to tuck you in at night
I want to be the one you say I love you too
I want to be the one whom your love grew
I want to be the one your family desires
I want to be the one your little sister admires

For now I’m still hoping that we can reunite
All visions
All principles
Though what we had were so different
We used to love each other
We used to share affection
Why can’t we work them out?
Believe me, we can make it…

::kiki tsalatsita::

Thinking of You

2006-09-17T21:32:00.004+07:00

Thinking of you
Would hurt more than suicide

Up to crown and down to toe
Every part of mine went wild

Staring at the morning dew
Could not end the ember of anger inside

The tousled occurred when I sew
Had no chance to be untied

Cause time I only had few
Remain for goodbye and ride

If only I had viewed
There had been things could not be left aside

Vanishing mistakes I wish I could do
Nowadays we must have no fight

Why the differences I knew
Seem to be complied?

My mind came to sue
They said I had no right

I tend to be a shrew
No one came to calm or guide

For you this love I grew
Kept it from dawn till night

Times when I had you
All I felt was pride

Sometimes I was in blue
Thank God you were beside

Thinking of you
Would hurt more than suicide

Each of sadness I drew
I let it drown with the tide

I had no one to show me a clue
I saw the world in narrow sight

All sweet and bitter memories I threw
A little hope is all abide

From Love to Hatred

2006-09-17T21:30:00.000+07:00

Can anyone tell me for how long this love I’ve had will last?
I’m dying to figure it out
Even the most prominent psychic could never know
And a clue had never shown

No one in the world
Ever had a love as sweet as his words
But seem that they had been told without a thought
The vow he had blown is all that I sought

Love that was warm had turned cold
The light had been sold
My heart prepared to fold
The last page I could not hold

We would never taste the future
Cause he could not be sure
Which road he would choose
For me there would no excuse

For what is musing?
Everything will be confusing
All plans had been ruined
No way out recovered soon

From laughing to crying
From yearning to cursing
From truth to lie
From love to hatred

Sweetheart...

2006-09-17T21:26:00.000+07:00

I'm missing you so much
I think about you all the time
Wish to dream of you every night

Talk as if you were beside me
Smile as if I smiled at you
Cry as if I lost you
and I guess I'm getting insane dealing with situation like this

I really need you

I can't imagine what my next 5 years (even more ) would gonna be if I only have chance to see you once a year?
But I completely realize
That you or me can't do anything much to solve this matter

I am hoping
You are hoping
We are hoping

I am wishing
You are wishing
We are wishing

Well I'm about to lose my sanity
No doubt about it

How I really love you causing how I really miss you
How I really miss you causing how suffer I am

I love you..
Would probably be the most sincere closure
Wish I could really kiss you

::kiki tsalatsita::

May be

2006-09-17T21:23:00.000+07:00

This morning, I smelt your scent
The scent was very strong that made me believe you were near
And you were hiding behind for surprising me

I waited for hands to cover my eyes
And waited for whisper ‘guess who’ in my ear

I waited
30 seconds…
1 minute…
1.5 minute…
2 minutes…

But the hands never come
And I never heard the whisper

Suddenly I cried
I realized you weren’t there
You were nowhere

May be I was hallucinating that made me smelt the scent
May be I was hoping your coming too much
May be you would never give me such surprise on my birthday

May be I’m more in love with you cause I’m in deeply misery
Cause it reminds me of every kiss and hug and laughter you gave
May be I hate you for the first time cause I’m drowning in vicious misery
Cause I’m hurt!
I’m spoiled!
I’m screwed up!
I’m crumbly!
I’m sick of you!
I’m sick of missing you!

Daydreaming…
Imagining…
Wishing…
Hoping…
Hoping…
Hoping…

For god sake!
When will it end?!

::kiki tsalatsita::

...

2006-09-17T21:21:00.000+07:00

...
Absolutely have no idea what to tell and what to write
All I desire is talking about you
How I really love you causing how I really miss you

The most sensible reason to answer the question “why I want to talk about YOU instead of ME?” is because

I CAN’T touch your face by my hand or
stare at your smile by my eyes

I CAN’T kiss you by my lips or
embrace you by my arms

The only thing I can possibly do is talk about you
But talking about you won’t cover enough
the longing for your flattering my skin

Looking at pictures of Hayden Christensen would probably please me
Just as the same as looking at pictures of you
Knowing neither his nor your presence is predictable
Adding with not any contact you make for me
Or more powerless,
Not knowing how to make contact with you,
Causing the suffer would be more painful

We’re such strangers separated in two lives
And eventually,
We’re probably not recognizing each other

Tahukah Kamu

2006-09-17T21:19:00.000+07:00

Tahukah kamu, bahwa setiap aku melihat fotomu di masa kecil
Aku selalu tersenyum melihat kecantikan yang hingga kini belum hilang

Tahukah kamu, bahwa ketika kau menyandarkan kepalamu di pundakku
Aku dapat merasakan ketenangan, yang aku cari berhari-hari di rumahku

Tahukah kamu, bahwa setiap aku mengatakan aku sayang kamu
Aku merasa malu...
Aku malu karena sikapku belum sepenuhnya begitu
Banyak janjiku yang belum kupenuhi
Dan kau masih harus menunggu...

taufan

Saat ini aku mencintaimu, meski aku tak tahu bagaimana nanti…

2006-09-17T21:15:00.000+07:00

Aku ingin kau tahu,
Kalau aku dapat memilih jodohku
Aku akan memilih dirimu

Aku yakin kau bisa membimbingku menjadi suami dan ayah yang baik
Karena kau bisa mengajariku tentang agamaku
Dan aku mau kau mengajari anakku bermain alat musik,
Melihat indahnya bintang seakan semuanya adalah Canis Majoris
Melihat dirimu menggapai impian
Meyakinkan diriku untuk selalu mendukungmu
Melihatmu memasak untukku

Dan agar kau bisa menemaniku hingga hari tua,
Sehingga aku menjadi orang yang paling mengerti kecantikanmu
Meski kau telah beruban dan keriput

taufan

Cintaku Bertanya

2006-09-17T21:12:00.000+07:00

Apakah suatu kesalahan bagiku karena mencintaimu?
Karena rasanya aku tak pernah membuatmu bahagia
Meskipun aku tak pernah ingin menyerah
Karena kupikir mungkin besok aku dapat melakukannya
Dan karena aku mencintaimu, lebih lama dari hari ini

Dapatkah kupercayakan semuanya
Kepada dirimu...
Bila iya, jawablah mengapa?!
Mesipun pertanyaan ini rasanya tidak adil
Untukmu...
Karena bukan dirimu yang membuatku bertanya-tanya

Saat ini teruntukmulah cintaku
Tapi mampukah kau mengerti cinta ini, dan diriku
Untuk berapa lama?
Akankah sampai kita di surga...

Maukah engkau, mengatakan ke seluruh dunia?
Bahwa kau sayang diriku...
Malukah ngkau, ketika bersama diriku...?

Tak perlu kau jawab,
Aku hanya ingin kau tahu...
Pertanyaan dari hatiku...!

taufan

Harapanku Menghimbau

2006-09-17T21:09:00.000+07:00

Tersenyumlah agar kutahu bahwa kau memang senang,
Jangan berbohong,
Jangan tersenyum bila memang tak mau

Senyummu mampu menipuku
Menangislah agar kutahu kesedihanmu
Agar kurasakan pedihnya, dan berusaha menghilangkannya
Meski rasanya aku pun tak bisa berbuat banyak,
Namun semoga yang sedikit dapat berbuat lebih banyak

Ceritakan ceritamu tentang diriku
Yang aku tak pernah dengar
Ceritakan harapan-harapanmu yang kau buat untukku
Ceritakan kekesalanmu yang kau dapat dariku
Aku ingin mendengarnya, aku ingin tahu, aku ingin berubah
Meskipun lama, meskipun sendu, meskipun susah

Saat ini aku tahu, aku bukan yang terbaik untukmu
Maukan kau menunggu agar aku bisa menjadi seperti itu
Aku tak akan berhenti memberikan seluruh rinduku
Selama yang aku mampu, dan selama yang engkau mau

Aku tak minta lebih selain dari apa yang dapat kau berikan
Pelukan yang kau berikan tak pernah menyentuh ragaku
Melainkan hatiku
Ciuman yang kau berikan tak pernah menyentuh bibirku
Melainkan luka-lukaku
Sungguh, aku tak minta lebih selain dari apa yang ingin kau berikan

Aku adalah manusia,
Tak lebih benar dari siapapun
Tak lebih salah dari siapapun
Tak lebihhebat dari siapapun
Sekarang kau cintai, mungkin nanti kau benci...

taufan

Maafku Berkata

2006-09-17T21:06:00.000+07:00

Maafku Berkata
Maafkan diriku, yang hanya mampu berkata kangen di saat kangen
Yang mungkin kau tak pernah mendengarnya. Karena tak tersampaikan
Bila pun iya, itu tak pernah lama

Maafkan diriku, yang berjanji untuk berhenti merokok...
Namun belum terlaksana, Insya Allah Ramadhan nanti kucoba lagi!

Maafkan diriku, yang hanya mampu membawamu sejauh wartel di depan sekolah
Mungkin kau pikir aku gila,
Tapi aku berharap dapat membawamu kemanapun di bumi ini
Meskipun merealisasikannya sesusah luasnya langit

Maafkan diriku, bila masih ada hasrat untuk memelukmu

Maafkan diriku, di waktu kau sakit aku tak bisa menemanimu
Setiap hari, setiap pergantian infus, setiap kau merasa kepalamu sakit
Aku hanya bisa menangis...
Marah, pada ketidaksanggupanku
Benci, pada keterbatasanku

Maafkan diriku yang manja dan lemah
Karena hanya kepada dirimu aku bisa melakukannya

Sungguh, aku tak pernah menginginkan dirimu terluka
Terlebih olehku...
Namun untuk hal ini pun aku tak bisa berjanji
Hanya berusaha saja...

taufan

Tentang Dia

2006-09-17T21:00:00.000+07:00

Kita bertemu di saat yang tak pernah kuduga
Dia temukan aku, sedang terluka
Terluka oleh orang yang telah begitu lama kupercaya
Sehingga aku tak percaya bila ternyata
Perasaan yang ada, membawaku kepadanya

Di saat kukira aku sedang kalah,
Kutemukan kemenangan di senyumannya
Dimana kupikir aku akan jatuh
Tawanya mengangkatku naik
Kesedihannya membuatku pilu
Seakan hatinya adalah hatiku

Hanya sebentar saja untuknya
Untuk membuatku sadar
Bahwa dia indah
Keindahan di saat yang begitu tepat
Keindahan yang dicari indera-inderaku

Begitu indah keajaiban yang dia berikan
Sampai aku tak percaya
Bahwa wanita yang dulunya hanya kukagumi
Kini telah kusayangi dan telah berada di hatiku

taufan

Untuk dia, seorang kekasih

2006-09-17T20:55:00.000+07:00

Dia yang terlalu mandiri, untuk kubawakan tasnya
Dia yang tak ingin merepotkan diriku untuk selalu menemaninya
Dia yang mencoba mengerti keadaan diriku
Dia yang selalu menginginkanku untuk istirahat
Dia yang tak pernah berhenti menyuruhku berhenti merokok
Dia yang biasanya membalasku dengan “too”
Dia yang memanggil diriku dengan sebutan “kakak”
Dia yang membuat angkot di Depok menjadi indah
Dia yang membuat diriku khawatir ketika dia jatuh sakit
Dia yang tak pernah berhenti kukagumi
Dia yang selalu kudoakan akan hidupnya, akan mimpinya
Dia yang selalu membuatku nyaman dan tenang
Dia yang mampu membuatku menitikkan air mataku lagi
Dia yang ketika lelah menyandarkan kepalanya di bahuku

Untuk dia, yang karena Tuhan dan dirinya
Aku mencintainya...

taufan

Smoking

2006-09-17T20:52:00.002+07:00

Stop smoking honey please…!
You know it’s not right
It damages your health
Eating your lungs
Bothering your respiratory system

What will you harvest at age 40?
Cancer,
heart attack,
or death?

Honey,
How many times I’ve told you
How many solutions I’ve given to you
I even still remember how you promised me to stop
And I have your words

Honey,
I’m desperate
I’m hopeless
I’m acting like it was just fine
But it wasn’t fine at all
And I feel sorry until the bottom of my heart

Honey,
I still want to have you for longer time
So I still can watch you until the end of my time
And I don’t know what to say…

Tentang Diriku

2006-09-17T20:52:00.000+07:00

Di antara menyerah dan tidak
Aku hidup...
Aku hidup, untuk berjuang dan mencapai ajal
Semua orang hanya akan lewat saja
Seperti yang sudah-sudah
Hanya sedikit yang berhenti...
Untuk menemaniku dan melihatku berjuang

Melihat kebodohan-kebodohanku sekaligus tawaku
Tanpa melihat tangisku
Karena aku sudah tidak mau menangis

Di antara kesanggupanku dan tidak
Aku berharap...
Entah, berharap mati atau hidup
Sembari membuat kemungkinan
Mungkin esok lebih baik
Mungkin lusa
Mungkin minggu depan
Mungkin bulan depan
Mungkin tahun depan
Mungkin saja, bila malaikat yang itu
Belum datang...

Aku sedang berlari dan ketika aku mulai lelah berlari
Aku akan berjalan dan ketika berjalan pun aku tak sanggup lagi
Aku akan berdiri dan bila kakipun sudah mati rasa
Aku akan duduk dan ketika duduk pun terasa berat
Aku akan berbaring dan ketika berbaring pun aku klelahan
Aku tak akan bangun lagi
Semoga Tuhan mengerti...

taufan

Miss You Tonight

2006-09-17T20:47:00.000+07:00

Dear, I miss you tonight
With the beating of my heart wondering
“Where were you now?”
With the tear in my eye shouting
“I needed you!”

I can’t stand surviving with this misery

‘Cause darling,
I want you so bad to hear me saying
“No one needs you more than I need you tonight!”

I was lost and dry with no cure healing this ache
Oh saviour, save me ‘cause I’m dying in and out

Is it me or is it you that leave our palace?
And I feel no palace when we’re not united

‘Cause my Prince,
I can’t rest my had if there is you in my head
Without any taste of seeing you in my eyes

Honey,
Come to me sooner
‘Cause I hate waiting to see that pretty face
I don’t like memorizing your tenderness

Hold my hand and hold my heart
Take me to where you are some other time
So I won’t be bothered like this!

Everywhere I go just thinking of you
When will you return?
When will I tell you all stories I’ve collected a week?

Staring at your pictures
Listening to our songs
Do you think I enjoy them?!

So darling,
I’m waiting you home
Wishing for your tightest hug ever

And I’ll say what Daniel Johns said
“And I miss you love”

I’ll sing what Brandon Boyd sang
“I wish you were here”

Then I remember what Tim Wheeler warned
“Cigarette keeps you skinny”

But,
I’ll beg what he begged
“So take me in your arms again
Lead me in my dreams again”

I just want to kiss you goodnight
‘Cause I miss you tonight
And I wish you by my side

Ten Why I Love You

2006-09-17T20:44:00.000+07:00

I love you when you’re staring at me
‘Cos it let me know that I’m so precious for you
And your eyes give me such a sedation to heal my pain

I love you when you’re smiling at me
‘cos it tells me that I’m your happiness
And what a greatest view when I watch on my prince charming’s face

I love you when you’re talking to me
‘cos it tells me that I’m needed
And you let me know your wishes and your problems

I love you when you’re calling me ‘honey’
‘cos it let me know that I’m so loved
And what a sweet moment for every romance you’ve given in my life

I love you when you’re telling me that I’m pretty
‘cos it makes me feel that I’m your queen
And you do convince me I am really pretty

I love you when you’re listening to me
‘cos I can share my gladness and sadness
And you always rest my worries by telling me sweetest words wisely

I love you when you’re joking me
‘cos it makes me love you much more
And the laughter you make cheering up the situation

I love you when you’re holding my hand
‘cos it assures me that you’re the one I can rely on
and you do protect me from anything that may harm

I love you when you’re hugging me
‘cos it gives me convenience like a baby
And you make me feel safe when I’m resting on your chest
And inhaling the scent of yours

I love you for many untold reasons
‘cos after all these times it let me aware
That I love you much greater than I should
And I really hope it will last ever after..

Tell Me

2006-09-17T20:40:00.000+07:00

Could you tell me how to be a perfect girl?
A girl who never hurts your heart
A girl who never makes you upset
A girl who always makes you smile and happy all the time

Could you tell me how to be a wonderful girl?
A girl who always colours your days
A girl who shows you how to appreciate your life
Just like one amazing girl named Sara Deever

Could you tell me how to be a reliable girl?
A girl who is always there when you need her
A girl who tells the right when you are wrong
A girl who always backs you up
A girl you can count on anytime, anywhere

Could you tell me how to be an extraordinary girl?
A girl who can help you to find your paradise
A girl who’s your “sunshine through your window”
A girl who always inspires you to try
A girl who shows you how to look out the world with an optimistic light

Could you tell me how to be all of them?
Could you?

May be I am not even one of those girls
‘Cause this is me!
With incapability I’ve had
Not better than anyone
Not even worse than anyone

kiki tsalatsita

Bed!

2006-09-17T20:37:00.000+07:00

Go to bed, honey!
Today was so damn tough day for you
Just like the other days you have spent
And you hardly ever sleep

Come on, honey!
Rest your head
And set free all the things that have tired you
Close your eyes
Pretend as though your troubles melt

Jut relax, honey!
All you have had would not miss at once
That makes you awake all the night
And things will be OK the next day

Sleep tight, honey…
‘Cause the angel will embrace you
With her soft and tender arms
Then you’ll be secure ‘till the morning comes

Good night kiss to you, honey…
Pull your blanket ‘till covers your chest
Turn off the light because the stars will shine on you
Sweet dreams are waiting

Now you’re asleep, honey…
I love you ‘till the sun rises
Until it sets again

And I’ll love you though you’re on bed
Good night, honey…
I’ll be missing your voice
I’ll be missing your touch
I’ll be missing my pretty guy

kiki tsalatsita

Prayer

2006-09-17T20:33:00.000+07:00

God,
I’m not a girl I used to be
I guess something is happening to me
Something that I don’t know
Whether it’s right or wrong

God,
When that man became the part of my life
I had the former lover
Whereas..
The man told me words I’ve been waiting for so long
Whereas..
I had once felt the same way that he does now

God,
I had no lover this time
May be I should take it for granted
‘cos it’s the exact time to break
but my ex swore that it’s unfair
I should’ve given him one more try
But I didn’t
I hurt him..
Since then..
I’m scared of falling in love again
But what if I fell again?

God,
Since I kept on remembering that man
I’ve bothered by this anxiety
The feeling seems remained
The moment we walked side by side
Has given me the strangest feeling ever inside
Between dream and reality

God,
Is it a sin if I break my words
Not to fall in love again?
Is it a sin if I became so reckless
Against my old fear and back to the man?

God,
I get my self fallen
If I took his hand,
I’m afraid of hurting someone again
I’m afraid of being unfaithful
‘cos I had gone through many stories
And they always come to the sad endings

God,
Here I knee
If I really feel the love now
Bless me with a little love
Let the love laid
And let him be my true and real love

Untitled

2006-09-17T20:29:00.000+07:00

Open up your wings and fly
Reach your dream
No matter how high it was
No need to be afraid of heights
I will catch you if you fall

Rise up your spirit in life
And burn out your desire
Everything happens for a reason
Everything happens from the One
I will be at your side when you need it

Be strong, be tough
You can always try
Chances will always come
Subsistence has already been arranged
This love will always try to support you
I will be there to hold you

taufan

Timeless Thought

2006-09-17T20:22:00.000+07:00

When I take my time to think about you
I always feel like I was being blessed by God
‘Cause until now I can’t figure out
How this heart filled with love
Love that devoted to you

And at that particular moment
All of your soft smile and calm eyes
Slowly flash across my minds

Am I deeply falling in love with you?
I just can’t tell, but this heart feels like that so far

There is something inside of you
That burns my passion into an inferno
Evaporate me to the love firmament
And seduce me with a great bliss

taufan

Love Symptoms

2006-09-17T20:17:00.000+07:00

You are not an angel from heaven
But you are to me
Angel of my heart, saviour of the soul
Embrace me with care

You are not a princess
But you are to me
Beauty of its kind
Poetry from my dreams

One drop from a saint
Well formed as you

taufan

Juliet

2006-09-17T20:05:00.000+07:00

I can’t take my eyes off of her
From the moment I saw her again
The warmth she has inside of her
Makes this heart meltdown
‘Cause every time I saw her smile
It makes my life so wonderful

She’s an angel that came for me
From the holly heaven
Sparkling stars lighten up my night
The sweetest kiss ever

‘Cause every time I touch her skin
It makes my life so wonderful
‘Cause she’s my Juliet
Awaken from her long long sleep
Yes, she’s my Juliet
Another gift from God for me

Morning light has risen up from the East
Shines so brightly
It lit the flame inside our heart
And makes a beautiful rainbow
‘Cause every time I look her eyes
I know that she’s so wonderful

taufan

Chewing Gum

2006-09-17T09:27:00.000+07:00

Chew chew chew
I’m chewing your gum
‘Till the sweetness gone
‘Till I forget to smoke
I’m chewing your gum
Because I love you

Phew phew phew
My jar is tired
Struggling for boredom
This gum is sticky
Playing around my mouth

Can we be sticky?
Like this gum
Can we make our day?
Sweeter than this gum

I’m chewing your gum
Because I love you

A Guardian Story

2006-09-17T09:20:00.000+07:00

I can never sleep tight
If my princess was surrounded by misery
And how can I have a sweet dream
If I don’t even sleep

There is something wrong
If tears fall down from her eyes
It’s very wrong

My princess is a beautiful girl
No other girl can compare her beauty
With that soft hollow stare
And that sweeter than wine smile
It’s been an honoured to guard her

A guardian like me
With lungs that almost broken
It’s too dare to achieve her love
All I can do is just wishing
That someday I could be her prince
Even it’s just for a night
May God be with me
And fulfil my wish

Shooting Star

2006-09-17T09:16:00.000+07:00

Loving you is too worth to achieve
‘’cause you’re like a shooting star I’ve just caught up

I’ve been driven to you when you’re still a mile ahead
Lord gives me the way out of the way I felt so far

Like a diamond spear goes through my heart
Until the top of my head,
I get falling deeper when I’m rushing to reach you
You’re so incredible that serve my time completely

I saw a silent Venus among the stars
And I felt the Saturn’s satellites are spinning

A snowy sky sovereigns my soul,
Like a shelter to the pure and sincere love,
Against the rust that might attack every time

Something gives a sign to keep pursuing,
You’re my almost forgotten will
Returning to fill page by page the story of my life
How dare you fool around this feeling?
Give me such a beautiful bliss

It’s drifting me away
So hypnotic and magic

Heart Talks

2006-09-17T09:03:00.001+07:00

He is the inspiration
That makes my heart beats different
He realigns
The mind that’s nearly bent
The other chaotic side has been handled

Since he came
I can’t remember the distress I’ve been going through
Since he returned,
Everything turns out okay

But it would be in a mess when he’s gone
‘Cause with or without him
I can never concentrate
With or without him
I can never concern of anything

Behold,
‘Cause it’s just a glimpse of something ephemeral
Beware,
‘Cause I might run out of my time
I might not make the most of my time

Once again,
I get my self risked dealing with love
That I would never know
Will it last?
Or will it lost?

Be he who may
I will keep on loving him

He

2006-09-17T09:03:00.000+07:00

As the morning wind touch my face,
I miss the perfume of his body,
That leaves traces of peace
So relaxing...
So consoling...

Though the well runs dry,
The smell of his breath still waters my soul
Though it’s barren inside,
The smell of his words will bloom the flowers

Something holds me tight
Urge me to figure out, what it is about
Why I always feel misery when he’s not around?
Then I imagine the kiss of his fragrance on my eye

The ghost of him follows my dream
Flattering my hair tenderly
Comforting me in his embrace

I bring him in my sleep
When I started to remember
The way he said “I love you”
I feel like I’m on fire
‘Cause it’s still echoing in my ear

kiki tsalatsita

Romeo

2006-09-17T08:59:00.000+07:00

Falling leaf has reached the ground
And leaves the lonely tree
Against the tempered wind

And as the autumn leaf tossed
It would fly the pain

A Romeo is bringing a torch
Lighten nothing but the dark
Shrouded in and out of me

The presence of both,
Has presented peace and warmth
As a pillow that I can lean my head on
And a thick blanket that’s covering my body

I wonder if it could ease the trouble
Worst dream ever at night

Like a fairy swings her magic stick
One simple smile can melt a fear

Hardly to be mentioned
Every miracle he has shown

The picture of his pretty face,
Playing on my head

My life was so delighted
He’s my tender sweet Godsend
A blessing to me

Golden dreams are colouring my nights
No sleepless night through all the days
A Romeo has designed my every dream
And leave a sweet taste of my sleep

And as his face upon my eyes
I’ll get paralysed at once
Blinded me with such deadly look

Second Dream Come True

2006-09-17T08:44:00.000+07:00

Dear, when it almost fades
Gone with silver tears

Stars will never be untrue
Sparkling at the night
Give me one more hope

I open wide these eyes
You’re my second dream come true

I couldn’t trust my sight
When I was staring at those words
The flame that’s almost off
It suddenly burns out

Something’s been missing
Now it’s coming back to me
Why should I resist
I’ve been dying to hold on

Loneliness would say goodbye
The empty heart wouldn’t last long
I’ve got something filled the space

Between dreams and fantasies
But I can’t say it real
‘Cause I only dare to dream

Wish I never be awake
From my long and endless sleep

Dear, when I touch that smile
These fingers feel the air you breathe

I would never stop to thank
Everynight is young
Never comes to dawn
Or reach the morning sun

You're my second dream come true I can't deny
You're the second sweet dream that's coming true

kiki tsalatsita

Subject: Reply

2006-09-17T08:31:00.000+07:00

I wouldn’t mind taking your shallow jokes
‘cos I could make them deeper
And we’ll laugh each other

I’m afraid if I told you all stories-songs-complaints-and fancies
They would be endless

I also wish to heal your pain
To be your remedy
Treat you good whenever you’re hurt and sick

I always dream of you sweetly every night
Though you’ve never flattered my hair before I sleep
Just by hearing your gentle voice and your saying “sweet dream”
I straightly fall asleep

I’d like to lean my head on your shoulder
‘cos with your shoulder against my head
I can smell the fragrance of you

For the time being…
I’ll be protected beneath your jacket
But we’ll need a car when we’re not only the two of us
May be two, three, or even more..

How sweet..
To be with you ‘till the twilight age
And watch the children growing older
‘till having grandchildren and grand grandchildren

It’ll be sweeter If we would never quarrel
If there’s a thing I dislike
I’ll tell you with no shouting or emotion

By the way,
How can you meet me in a dream?
If you hardly ever sleep earlier

You couldn’t kiss my lips
If you keep on smoking
I’m afraid that you would get heart attack
When you feel my heartbeat while we’re hugging
Stop smoking then!

And the cologne you used to smell is Bluette
But one day you’ll prefer Oceanus

I wonder the taste of our strawberry shortcake
Would it be as delicious as in that Japanese dorama?
But isn’t it strawberry frost that you eager to bake?

I never know how long it will last
‘cos I always hope it will never end

God bless me a little love to you
It’ll be much bigger, bigger, and bigger one day

If He guide me..
The love will never fade
‘cos even though I know
There are many guys better than you throughout the world
You are my number two *cos the first is my family..*
My brother..
My Romeo..
My dream come true..
My shooting star..
And my Tim Wheeler..

Well..
I think the most sincere is the simplest one

I L0VE Y0U T00

And I never have a doubt to be your love mate..